It only takes a scent, a song, a single cloud in the sky
to bring back a string of memories
of powerful emotions
and drown in their depths
I sat on my couch tonight attempting to finish the ever odious task of grading finals. As one pile began to dwindle, at least 5 or 10 would appear out of nowhere. It was, to say the least, frustrating.
But as I was grading, a song came on Pandora--a song so powerful that it pulled me out of reality and back into the past, where the song held deep emotional meaning. It was as if those feelings had never disappeared. They were merely pressed down, and at the first note of the song rose back up to the surface to greet it like an old friend.
Instead of pushing away these feelings, I let them consume me. I wanted to remember exactly how I felt when I had listened to this song. What my worries were. Why the significance was so great. Have I really changed much since then, when this song had held so much meaning for me?
I know one thing. My life now is nothing like it was then. But those feelings are still there somewhere, raw and beautiful. And that's ok.
The song reminds me that doubt is still there. Sometimes, life doesn't make sense. Sometimes, I want to reject the world that I live in because its too cruel, unforgiving, and otherwise awful.
But at the same time, I know that isn't true. Life is beautiful, incredible, unbelievable.
I have this theory lately (not original by any means), that life is made better by doubts. It makes us appreciate assurance, and search for truth. And moments of doubts and sinking despair give us perspective. I'm not the person I was back then. Life is better... surer.
But--
In no means, perfect.
