22 Before 23

An idea that I got from a friend of mine who does this on his blog every year. I love the idea of growing and progressing--constantly moving forward. I want to accomplish more each year.

1. Rush

Let’s admit it, I’m a pansy. Heights scare me, lack of control terrifies me—you’re looking at a control freak. But I want to do something that makes me absolutely terrified—whether it be skydiving, rappelling, [legitimate] rock climbing, etc.

2. Reach out

I have gone through my BYU experience on a lone path. I’ve met people along the way, but never really made a strong effort to get to know anyone…especially those in my classes. That is going to change this year.

3. Bike

I used to love riding my bike around when I had a horse and fell in love with the idea again while I was in Cambridge. I would like to acquire a bike once I get back to school. Plus, it’s low impact (scoliosis approved!)

4. Stick with it

I’ve had so many hobbies. I want to find one that I devote myself to. Whether it’s going back to my equestrian roots, or finding a new one… I just want one that I’m in love with and dedicated to.

5. Sundance

I’ve lived in Provo for four years and have never been to the film festival. It’s about time. I need some good indie films in my life!

6. Cook

I’m finally in a dinner group! Woot! My goal now is to experiment with new meals and dishes. Foodgawker has got me all kinds of excited about making fun food. Plus, I have a legit crepe maker and fruit juicer now. GOAL: try making 1 new thing a week.

7. Learn control

I consider myself to be a frugal person. I don’t go to the movies unless it’s the dollar theater, I don’t go to fancy restaurants, I don’t drive my car around unless it’s to an exact location, but my weakness is clothes. Absolutely. Budget.

8. Snow

Enjoy the snow this year. It may be my last year in it. I want to go snowboarding particularly, but I think snowshoeing would be fun to try.

9. Contact

My family… we’re not much for talking. Especially on the phone. Oh gosh, we’re terrible phone talkers. But I’d like to be better about dropping a line, particularly when I don’t need anything from them.

10. Massage techniques

Simple… learn techniques, maybe teach them to people so that we can have a little give and take. I dated a massage therapist for a year and never had him teach me anything. So lame.

      11. Work hard, Play hard

Work really hard on my homework, languages, whatever during the week, and just ENJOY the weekend for once. I need to stop labeling the weekend as “greater homework opportunity time."

12. Dictionary

Learn a new word a week. I would just read the dictionary… but it doesn’t have enough plot :P

13. Organized

Make a conscious effort to be more organized all over. My brain is about as disorganized as my room tends to be. I want this year to have better organization physically (mostly my room) and mentally (writing wise and remembering things).

14. Spontaneous Road trip

I know it seems strange to plan to have a spontaneous road trip, but I guess I just hope that I’ll be crazy enough to do it; to throw caution (and cash) to the wind and go somewhere. Complete with stand up comedian clips, junky pop music, and singing until my throat goes hoarse.

15. GET MORE SLEEP

Plain and simple. As Nike says, “Just do it.”

16. Get back into drawing/painting

I took art sophomore year and my teacher badgered me to major in art. However, I declined. Sometimes I wish I hadn’t.

17. Read at least two C.S. Lewis books

I think I’ll start with the Screwtape Letters…

18. Go to Moab

It’s sad that I’ve been here so long and never been

19. Get into a regular exercise routine

Particularly, I’d like to be more regular about yoga and make a swimming routine for myself J

20. Read at least 25 books for fun

Particularly fiction. I want to improve my creative writing. The best way to become a better writer is to READ.

21. Volunteer

I have a place in mind that I want to help at (and have been wanting to for a while). I just need to get all the paperwork together to do it.

22. Basic skill

Let’s just say that there’s a basic skill that I don’t know how to do (and many people I know can do). This year, I want to learn how to do it. 

Where were you?

It's interesting how you can name almost any significant historical event and people can tell you exactly where they were in that moment. I suppose I was too small during 9/11 to remember much, but this is what I do remember.

It was the day after my 11th birthday. I pulled myself slowly out of bed, rubbing my eyes. My mom had not yet come in to pester me about waking up, but it was still early. I stretched my arms above my head, then heard my stomach growl. It was time for breakfast. I yanked my door back and stepped out into the hallway, where I could see my Mom sitting at the table. She had a stack of papers in front of her--presumably our packet of information that we received on the first day of school that demanded our signature, as well as our parents', on all 20+ sheets of paper. I vowed that I would just make a stamp of my signature when I had children. The process seemed so tedious. But my Mom was not paying attention to the papers. Her eyes were glued on the television. I didn't think much of it. My mom always watched the news in the morning. As I walked toward the kitchen, she broke eye contact with the television and instead turned to me. "Devon, look." I turned toward the tv. A concerned news reporter was speaking on the television, while a small box showed a burning tower. A fire, I thought. It certainly went beyond my comprehension. I had decided a few years back not to watch the news because it all seemed the same (especially in L.A.): shootouts, car chases, bank robberies, missing children, etc. It was like watching a scary movie, but it was all real. 

I looked back at her, giving her a look of confusion. I didn't understand what set this apart. She started to explain to me what happened, but I still didn't understand. I watched as the plane hit the tower. All I saw was a tragedy, not a terrorist attack. I don't even remember if that had been considered by reporters yet. It was only when the second plane hit that everyone began freaking out, my mom included. The fear infected me, but I still didn't understand. What did this mean? Who did this? What exactly were the motives of these people they called "terrorists?" I was driven to school (which I don't understand now... most people's school got cancelled). I don't remember the teachers ever mentioning it. I think they tried to avoid it, to keep us calm. But I remember there was tension. So much tension. 

I don't remember much else from that day, but each year that I look back, I feel the gravity and emotions of the event hit me harder each time. So much tragedy. So many lives lost. So much bravery. So much self sacrifice. So much heartache. 

It kills me. Those two towers, which I had seen a few times on my visits to New York as a kid, are now gone, as are the people that were in them. Fathers, brothers, sisters, mothers, cousins, lovers, daughters, sons, aunts, uncles... families suffered so much loss. 

The terrorists may have achieved their mission: they hit the nation hard. We suffered. We all were left hurting, especially those in New York. And the terrorists received the war they ultimately wanted. But they didn't break us. We will never forget that fateful day. Our nation continues to come together on 9/11 to remember those that we lost. I know I will never forget them. 

I'm proud to be an American, where at least I know I'm free, and I won't forget the men who died [on 9/11 in this country]

So my question is... where were you? What do you remember?

Impersonations

Matt Damon will forever be my hero for this video

Memoirs

My creative writing teacher told me that writing a memoir should be difficult. I brushed off this advice and assured myself that writing my story would be easy. He instructed us to write on a painful, but unique experience we have had. Mine came in an instant. I knew exactly what story I would tell. It's one that I've only expressed (in its truest and most detailed form) to a few close friends--those who I feel have earned that trust and I feel comfortable sharing (because no painful memory is ever easy to share).

And just as my teacher said, I am sitting here... just staring at my words. They seem small and insignificant. They don't do the experience justice. I want it to be rich with the emotion I felt, for the misery the event caused. And yet, I've distanced myself so much from that memory since its occurrence that it is no longer painful anymore. It would have been much better expressed while I was feeling the pain. But now I struggle to put myself back into that mindset... and honestly, I don't care to. This memoir has unlimited potential (truly, I assure you, the content is worth telling--it may even evoke a laugh and certainly a disdain for the antagonist), however the journey will be a struggle. Ha. But isn't that just how life is in general? :)

Duct Tape

...best used over the mouth...

That Moment

When you wish you could press the rewind button and start all over again. I'm starting to realize more and more each day how flawed I am. Oh. so. flawed. Some people fall short of perfection. I think I fall about a mile clear of it. I suppose its in these moments, when you want to crawl under a blanket and hide from reality and the world, that you need to have those moments of introspection. I need to take a long, hard look at myself and figure out what is wrong. Because honestly, I need to change. I need to be better.

Blessed

Was just blessed with an email and a phone call that will completely change my fall semester. Definitely pulls me out of my painful day of writing.

To the pain!