Breathe Deep the Gathering Gloom

Finals are coming. Be afraid. Be very afraid.

You've Got Mail

"I turn on my computer. I wait impatiently as it connects. I go online, and my breath catches in my chest until I hear three little words: You've got mail."

I must admit... I miss letters. Nothing will ever compare to writing letters, but in the age of technology with Twitter and Facebook becoming the new areas of communication, one of my favorite things is getting an email. A genuine, personalized email. Whether its someone telling me they miss me, or about that person's day, or literally about nothing, like Meg Ryan's character Kathleen Kelly said:

“I just want to say that all this nothing has meant more to me than so many somethings”

To those that I have been fortunate enough to speak with, thanks for making my day so often.

On Politics

Let’s pretend this is the intro to one of those self help meetings. Hi, my name is Devon. (Hi, Devon!) And I’ve gone six months without smacking my head against a wall because of someone's political rant. (Yay! *clapping*)

So here’s the deal: politics. We’re all aware that the election is coming up soon. It’s on every tv station, newspaper, coming out of the mouth of every self-claimed, so-called “informed” person (and one or two Google searches, I'm sorry to say, does not make you informed). I used to be a political science minor and avid debate member. I understand how politics is both fascinating and aggressive. But the latter has become a serious problem. It's the reason I no longer enjoy politics. 

Let me elaborate.

In the last few weeks, I’ve heard a lot of comments: about the debates such as the “binders full of women,” how “the 80s called, they want their foreign policy back,” and how we no longer use “bayonets and horses.” (All lines that maybe shouldn’t have been said). Also about random details about each candidate--some relevant, some not. 

However, what bothers me most about the political activism around election time is the ANIMOSITY and NEED TO BE RIGHT when people argue. No, people are not debating, not trying to sway a person to their side. They are simply trying to tear people’s opinions down and assert their own as correct. It seems a little bit fascist, no?

And here I am, sitting here thinking:

1) What’s the point? Someone will win. That someone will be criticized and scorned just as every president before has been. No majority will ever be happy.

2) And some people wonder why world peace is unattainable?

There’s explicit lack of respect when it comes to politics. Oh, people will laugh and joke when they “debate,” but there’s contempt for their opponents/friends in their eyes. What is it about politics that can make you suddenly hold contempt (no matter how fleeting) for a human being that you don't know at all, or for one you care deeply about?

It’s like if I went up to a person for only 5 minutes and interviewed them. “Oh hey, Ben. So you’re a business major, huh? Oh… you like to snowboard as a hobby? That makes you unprofessional. I don’t think you’ll be a good businessman.”

This is what politics have come down to. Petty judgments. If there must be judging, judge on policies.

And even then, just be nice. Please. It’s getting ridiculous. I can’t wait for the election to be over. But then again, we all know that’s just the beginning of another string of repeated events. 

I think I’m just going to move back to Europe.

Those moments in life

When you laugh hysterically because of your good fortune. I wrote a free verse poetry piece for my creative writing class in 15 minutes (forgot it was due) and then got this email. I think I finally found the perfect minor for me.

The email I got from my teacher. This is all it said:

You say you’re terrible at poetry.
I say you’re kidding me.
Yours is the best poetry of the week.
Would it read it in class?  

22 Before 23

An idea that I got from a friend of mine who does this on his blog every year. I love the idea of growing and progressing--constantly moving forward. I want to accomplish more each year.

1. Rush

Let’s admit it, I’m a pansy. Heights scare me, lack of control terrifies me—you’re looking at a control freak. But I want to do something that makes me absolutely terrified—whether it be skydiving, rappelling, [legitimate] rock climbing, etc.

2. Reach out

I have gone through my BYU experience on a lone path. I’ve met people along the way, but never really made a strong effort to get to know anyone…especially those in my classes. That is going to change this year.

3. Bike

I used to love riding my bike around when I had a horse and fell in love with the idea again while I was in Cambridge. I would like to acquire a bike once I get back to school. Plus, it’s low impact (scoliosis approved!)

4. Stick with it

I’ve had so many hobbies. I want to find one that I devote myself to. Whether it’s going back to my equestrian roots, or finding a new one… I just want one that I’m in love with and dedicated to.

5. Sundance

I’ve lived in Provo for four years and have never been to the film festival. It’s about time. I need some good indie films in my life!

6. Cook

I’m finally in a dinner group! Woot! My goal now is to experiment with new meals and dishes. Foodgawker has got me all kinds of excited about making fun food. Plus, I have a legit crepe maker and fruit juicer now. GOAL: try making 1 new thing a week.

7. Learn control

I consider myself to be a frugal person. I don’t go to the movies unless it’s the dollar theater, I don’t go to fancy restaurants, I don’t drive my car around unless it’s to an exact location, but my weakness is clothes. Absolutely. Budget.

8. Snow

Enjoy the snow this year. It may be my last year in it. I want to go snowboarding particularly, but I think snowshoeing would be fun to try.

9. Contact

My family… we’re not much for talking. Especially on the phone. Oh gosh, we’re terrible phone talkers. But I’d like to be better about dropping a line, particularly when I don’t need anything from them.

10. Massage techniques

Simple… learn techniques, maybe teach them to people so that we can have a little give and take. I dated a massage therapist for a year and never had him teach me anything. So lame.

      11. Work hard, Play hard

Work really hard on my homework, languages, whatever during the week, and just ENJOY the weekend for once. I need to stop labeling the weekend as “greater homework opportunity time."

12. Dictionary

Learn a new word a week. I would just read the dictionary… but it doesn’t have enough plot :P

13. Organized

Make a conscious effort to be more organized all over. My brain is about as disorganized as my room tends to be. I want this year to have better organization physically (mostly my room) and mentally (writing wise and remembering things).

14. Spontaneous Road trip

I know it seems strange to plan to have a spontaneous road trip, but I guess I just hope that I’ll be crazy enough to do it; to throw caution (and cash) to the wind and go somewhere. Complete with stand up comedian clips, junky pop music, and singing until my throat goes hoarse.

15. GET MORE SLEEP

Plain and simple. As Nike says, “Just do it.”

16. Get back into drawing/painting

I took art sophomore year and my teacher badgered me to major in art. However, I declined. Sometimes I wish I hadn’t.

17. Read at least two C.S. Lewis books

I think I’ll start with the Screwtape Letters…

18. Go to Moab

It’s sad that I’ve been here so long and never been

19. Get into a regular exercise routine

Particularly, I’d like to be more regular about yoga and make a swimming routine for myself J

20. Read at least 25 books for fun

Particularly fiction. I want to improve my creative writing. The best way to become a better writer is to READ.

21. Volunteer

I have a place in mind that I want to help at (and have been wanting to for a while). I just need to get all the paperwork together to do it.

22. Basic skill

Let’s just say that there’s a basic skill that I don’t know how to do (and many people I know can do). This year, I want to learn how to do it. 

Where were you?

It's interesting how you can name almost any significant historical event and people can tell you exactly where they were in that moment. I suppose I was too small during 9/11 to remember much, but this is what I do remember.

It was the day after my 11th birthday. I pulled myself slowly out of bed, rubbing my eyes. My mom had not yet come in to pester me about waking up, but it was still early. I stretched my arms above my head, then heard my stomach growl. It was time for breakfast. I yanked my door back and stepped out into the hallway, where I could see my Mom sitting at the table. She had a stack of papers in front of her--presumably our packet of information that we received on the first day of school that demanded our signature, as well as our parents', on all 20+ sheets of paper. I vowed that I would just make a stamp of my signature when I had children. The process seemed so tedious. But my Mom was not paying attention to the papers. Her eyes were glued on the television. I didn't think much of it. My mom always watched the news in the morning. As I walked toward the kitchen, she broke eye contact with the television and instead turned to me. "Devon, look." I turned toward the tv. A concerned news reporter was speaking on the television, while a small box showed a burning tower. A fire, I thought. It certainly went beyond my comprehension. I had decided a few years back not to watch the news because it all seemed the same (especially in L.A.): shootouts, car chases, bank robberies, missing children, etc. It was like watching a scary movie, but it was all real. 

I looked back at her, giving her a look of confusion. I didn't understand what set this apart. She started to explain to me what happened, but I still didn't understand. I watched as the plane hit the tower. All I saw was a tragedy, not a terrorist attack. I don't even remember if that had been considered by reporters yet. It was only when the second plane hit that everyone began freaking out, my mom included. The fear infected me, but I still didn't understand. What did this mean? Who did this? What exactly were the motives of these people they called "terrorists?" I was driven to school (which I don't understand now... most people's school got cancelled). I don't remember the teachers ever mentioning it. I think they tried to avoid it, to keep us calm. But I remember there was tension. So much tension. 

I don't remember much else from that day, but each year that I look back, I feel the gravity and emotions of the event hit me harder each time. So much tragedy. So many lives lost. So much bravery. So much self sacrifice. So much heartache. 

It kills me. Those two towers, which I had seen a few times on my visits to New York as a kid, are now gone, as are the people that were in them. Fathers, brothers, sisters, mothers, cousins, lovers, daughters, sons, aunts, uncles... families suffered so much loss. 

The terrorists may have achieved their mission: they hit the nation hard. We suffered. We all were left hurting, especially those in New York. And the terrorists received the war they ultimately wanted. But they didn't break us. We will never forget that fateful day. Our nation continues to come together on 9/11 to remember those that we lost. I know I will never forget them. 

I'm proud to be an American, where at least I know I'm free, and I won't forget the men who died [on 9/11 in this country]

So my question is... where were you? What do you remember?

Impersonations

Matt Damon will forever be my hero for this video